And this goes on occurs continues to happen in all bars in all strata the bar strata here. There are those looking and there are those looking to be looked for and there are those simply being looked at. But. They are there all there everywhere because they must be there. And here.

And what is the cause of it all the cause is obvious trite and truistic which may or may not modify a truism but is. The cause of it all is loneliness the most terrible thing that anyone everyone one can suffer and it is more than suffering it is a peculiar sort of martyrdom. To life. Because everyone says he needs. Someone. And here in Hollywood U.S.A. everyone finds someone but only for a short time and that is worse. Because it was once said that you not really you but anyone can only be alone only lonely after you anyone has first been together. And this is the particular viciousness of Hollywood U.S.A. is that it gives us gay us togetherness and then takes it away. And there we are left. Bereft. So. But. The sickest part of this is that one does adopt a certain philosophy toward this facet one does. One says he doesn't care and really tries not to. He tries to live with his loneliness which trying is a perversion a real perversion. Yes it is because it makes us half-men not men in the sense of male but men in the sense of being human. Half only is what we are if we don't care about love true love. Because it may be money that first posits our existence and money which continues it but it is love that gives this very existence value. For without love we are nothing we have no reason to get up in the morning or have a cup of coffee or go to work or work or get off work or have a martini before dinner or have dinner or go to bed. Nothing and nowhere.

But. Says they. Is not this true of other places too such as New York U.S.A. and Chicago U.S.A. and maybe even San Francisco U.S.A. No. It is not except in one small way. And that one small way is that those others all those others are only proving grounds because everyone anyone wants to come to Hollywood U.S.A. And does.

And coming here with a dream he is of money fame love or what have you. And having that dream shot in the ass almost immediately.

And trying to re-build his life without his dream.

And not being able to.

But trying and trying to fill the lull void lacunae with other things such as sex. Selling and buying. And doing or being done. And doing it and becoming other than he was without a dream.

Parasitic some would say but saying this with prejudice because one must first prove to oneself that parasites are parasitic. They may not be you see because not all are. Only. Sometimes it is life and its circumstances which do it to them. Because you see in reality you see it is them themselves who are being done by existence.

And you must preserve. And persevere.

Like for example when the American Legion was in town and it was a madhouse and ever so interesting for the hard ones. Because of new materiel which there is all the time but not in such abundance and or concentration. And just wait until the Democratic Convention another time and times and all over again it will be the same.

And so they say. Something must be done. To protect the naive and innocent and sincere and kind and good. So leave it to the vice squad they say and so. But that is no solution because that is precisely the problem. The vice squad is the squad of vice. To deal with. No solution.

The grotesque twisted evil is alive here. And it squirms and wriggles and crawls and slips all over you not really you but all of us. And it lives. Which is

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